feel the burn

today I encountered an obstacle . . .  something that has never been a problem for me before
 . . . STAIRS 

I got to the bottom of the stairs and I felt as though I were standing at the base of Mount Everest - the sheer thought of having to tackle those bad boys just made me shudder.

but when you gotta wee and the only bathrooms in the house are up those god damn stairs or down another set you soon come to realise that you simply dont have a choice.

I knew that my body would be in a bit of shock once I started getting into my new active life, but never did I think that I would be struggling to hit the stairs after 1 SESSION of squats! Boy must I be in some pretty bad shape

After a yummy breakfast of hummus on rice cakes, an apple and round 2 of my 'delicious' tea it was workout time.

After my struggles with the stairs earlier I was a little apprehensive about my ability to undertake today's workout, but then once I saw the session plan for today I felt a little more at ease. I looked at Hayley May and said "oh, is that it? 30 seconds worth of Baby Burpees, repeated 4 times? No worries!"
Boy was I wrong!

When I searched 'Baby Burpee' on youTube I wasn't expecting anything major, after all it has the word 'baby' in its title, how hard could it be?

For all you fatties out there, who like me, have NO IDEA what a Baby Burpee is, it goes a little something like this . . .

yeah . . . . that was my reaction too . . . . complete and utter fear 
I could feel my body screaming out in pain and I hadn't even put on my workout gear yet - I knew this was going to be an experience

when the moment came and we had already spent the majority of our warmup jogging session expressing over and over again the levels of which it felt like our legs were on fire, the onslaught of baby burpees were simply terrifying.

surprisingly, once you get that body moving and the blood starts pumping it wasn't really all that bad! Don't get me wrong - my boobs were slowly making their way up towards my chin and my hands were slowly gathering more and more of the concrete from underneath me, but on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being "IM GOING TO DIE" . . . I would say it was only about a 4 for "SHIT THIS SUCKS"

all in all, another day of exercise checked off the list and I feel all the better for it

and guess what! the tea wasn't as repulsive this morning - maybe I will conquer the horrid stuff after all

let the punishment begin

so after much thought and planning I decided to start my journey on a nice rounded date - like the 1st of November (if I'm honest more procrastination than planning, but hey, give the fatty a break here).

So this morning I rose bright and early (honesty strikes again . . .  'early' meaning 8am) ready to start my new healthy and happy lifestyle . . . I wandered out of my room in my usual groggy and crazy afro-haired state and made my way downstairs to the kitchen.

Now be proud of me for this . . .  instead of brewing my usual cup of coffee (milk & 2 1/2 sugars of course) I whooped out the Twinings Infusions 'Camomile, Honey & Vanilla' tea and sat down on the couch to watch Sunrise with a proud little grin on my face.

Well let me tell you now, that grin soon dissipated once I took a sip of my deceivingly delicious smelling tea!

This cuppa was somewhat like a sneaky, sexy little siren perched up on her rock out in the deep blue sea, singing sweetly out to the unsuspecting sailors who inch closer to their terrifying deaths . . . . . it tasted NOTHING like it smelt, I screwed up my face as I endeavored to finish the cup, why I don't know, I'm guessing its equal parts pride and the longing to be skinny & healthy.

And no, I won't learn from this experience, tomorrow morning I will be sitting back there on the couch with my cup of piping hot siren juice and I WILL drink it until somehow, someday I actually enjoy it!

I decided that becoming a Vegan will be the best option for me to cleanse and detox my body, so its out with the meat, the milk, the cheese, the eggs, the butter, the MAYO (anyone who knows me will be picking their jaws off the ground when they read this - these happen to be my ALL TIME favourite nom noms) . . . . its a whole fresh new start for my poor chubby little body and although its a little daunting when you read through the lists of things you are no longer allowed to stick in your gob, it is still rather exciting - believe it or not I am actually EXCITED to become a Vegan!

Now we all know that changing your diet isn't an easy-fix option to loosing weight, which is why this morning my sister, the lovely Miss Hayley May and I started our '31 day exercise plan for beginners' and Day 1 consisted of:

* warmup: 3-5 minutes of jogging or star jumps

and then the following: 

* 25 squats
* as many Hopscotch as possible in a 30 second window
* 25 pushups  

repeated 4 times

Well I think I covered my fitness level in my first post - my fitness is simply non-existent - if you were to give me a rating from 1 - 10 I would most probably fall into the category of about a minus 2, the same daily body movement of either a sloth or a large water dwelling hippo

In saying that you can just imagine my performance 1 & 1/2 minutes into the 'warmup' phase of our workout today . . . .  I thought I was going to die! I was completely out of breath, sweating like a pedo at a wiggles concert and I swear for a second there I thought I was going to loose my sight.

If the tea scenario has taught me anything it would be that I am the most STUBBORN person you will ever meet, I was not about to get 2 minutes into my WARMUP and throw in the towel. With my new found respect for the contestants of The Biggest Looser I pushed through the whole workout and although it was soul destroying and extremely moist, I got it done and I must say, if you ignore your thighs refusing to carry you up the 7 stairs to your bedroom, it felt pretty damn good!!

Tomorrow I will be back busting the fat and sweating like a swine . . . . . and LOVING every moment

Sexy, Healthy Body - HERE I COME!!!

the master plan

when you are a mega sloth like myself and the mere thought of going for a run just makes you want to drop to the floor and play dead like some deranged possum on the highway, trying to work out a plan of attack on your flabby bits is just a nightmare!

the amount of strange and simply fucked up websites I have discovered in the past 24 hours whilst searching for the 'golden solution' to my problems is just mind boggling and simply terrifying! Some of the shit people would do just to loose weight is just amazing . . . but deffo not for me

it wasn't until I realised that I'm not actually looking for a magical solution and that I'm simply looking for something that will ease me into fitness so that my body doesn't suddenly think I'm waging world war 3 on its poor pudgy little existence, that I found what I needed

I found my master plan

* queue evil mastermind laugh 

and it goes a little like this:

Im going to kick start my fitness (and the month of November) with a 31 day exercise plan for beginners designed for those starting at home and not in a gym (in front of all those soul destroying, skinny-mini busy-body's running at full pelt on their state-of-the-art limited edition treadmills draped in the latest Nike sports wear - NIGHTMARE!).

 if all goes to plan, this should help me shed that extra layer of shame (more commonly known as 'tuckshop lady arms' or 'love handles' or 'spare tyre') and allow me to slowly develop some entry level fitness and start feeling good

Looks like I'm going to be eating not much more than nuts and berries for the month of November, but I guess if it came down to me surviving in the wild out there back in the day, i think its safe to assume that I would be the 'gatherer' type rather than the hunter . . .  so in a way I am being true to my roots - kinda - sort of - in a round about way

Good thing I love my salads! Lets get this party started  :)

the harsh truths

So here it is . . . the beginning of my new lease of life! How excitement!

Like every major change in life you must have a plan, right? Lets start with the shocking, bone chilling, hard hard truths, shall we?

oh my gosh, this is going to be simply cringe-worthy, here goes . .

My current situation looks a little like this:

This is a photo of me in Nice, France on my recent European Adventure, as you can see, I made sure I wasn't about to miss out on all the delicious gelati whilst I was globetrotting - and it shows  

Current Weight:  oh mannnn . . . . drum-roll . . . . 73.1kg

Physical Ability:  can barely run 2 meters without collapsing on the floor in a sweaty panicked heap

Current diet:  non-existent, I'm not the worst eater in the world, but no real diet plan in place that I would follow on a daily basis

Top Size:  about a 12/medium
Bra Size:  12C
Pants Size:  14 . . . I'm somewhat of a Big Booty Biatch
Shoe Size:  7

How Do I Feel?  Honestly? I feel like a water buffalo who has been squeezed and poured into a fluro Lycra mini and thrown out to the mercy of the millions of judgmental eyes of the average population.

I'm tired most of the time, when I move swiftly I can feel all the little flabby bits participating in an involuntary, yet extremely festive, Mexican wave, I don't feel healthy and I know that I am by no means physically fit. . . . Lets just say any change would be a vast improvement.


So whats the plan from here? 

The other day I was floating around one of my favourite sites, Pinterest, and I came across a particular inspirational quote that really stuck in my mind . . .

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"

 
there is some food for thought